Oh No, He's Hot
by BlueOctopod
Summary: A quick little time travel fic set in my Naruto/Zabuza soulmate verse.


This can't be happening.

Naruto blinks but the image in front of him stays the same. The two figures across from him are eyeing him, clearly debating whether to strike.

"Naruto!" a voice behind him calls out then, and he shifts slightly to see Chojuro out of the corner of his eye.

"Naruto, what are you-" Chojuro freezes then too, looking at the figures across from them with wide eyes.

"You're seeing this too, right?" Naruto murmurs to him.

"Yeah-" Chojuro starts to mutter back, stopping when one of the figures steps forward.

It's Zabuza. Well, it's Zabuza if he was fifteen at the latest. He's clearly in the middle of a growth spurt, unsteady on too long legs but doing his best to hide it. The muscles Naruto loves on his soulmate aren't nearly as defined, his sword almost ridiculously dwarfing his skinny frame.

The other figure steps forward too, and Naruto turns his gaze to them. It's Kisame, looking like he's around fourteen to fifteen as well. Samehada isn't with him, and he also looks like a miniature version of the Kisame they know.

"Hi?" Naruto finally offers, watching them warily.

"What's going on? You aren't members of the seven." Zabuza demands, clearly eyeing the Kiba blades and Hiramekarei.

Well shit, Naruto thinks, this is going to be a pain to explain.

"Well," he starts, "we were cleaning out the snake sannin's lab and I found a seal that was just marked with the word time. I decided to open it, and well, here you guys are? If I have to guess, you were…fuck, transported into the future?"

Zabuza snorts, clearly disbelieving, but Kisame eyes them thoughtfully.

"What?" Zabuza turns and demands, "you can't believe them?"

"Do you remember what we were doing?" Kisame shoots back. "Besides, look at them. They've got the teeth, they've got the blades, and this does like a laboratory. It makes sense-barely, but it does."

"Uh," Naruto starts, "since I'm not sure how to get you guys back," _or if we even can,_ he thinks "do you wanna come with us? We're actually heading back to meet up with the present versions of you."

The younger version of Zabuza stares at him, clearly distrusting (and it makes sense, it does, but it still hurts to see a look like that on his soulmate's face) but the younger version of Kisame nods.

"Lead the way."

* * *

What the fuck. No, really, what the _fuck._

He turns to his soulmate, unspoken question obvious, but Naruto only shrugs helplessly.

"What…" Kisame speaks up.

"I don't know!" Naruto rushes to defend himself, "I thought the seal was meant to warp time in battle-not make people travel through _time!"_

Kisame makes a reproaching noise beside him, but Zabuza is too focused on the figures in front of them.

Fuck, was he ever that skinny and short? This version of him even has pimples, for fucks sake.

"So," his utterly infuriating soulmate starts, "I need time to study the seal so for now I guess we're stuck with them?"

Zabuza closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Kami grant him patience.

* * *

He doesn't trust them. He can't, not when the last thing he remembers is blackness and then waking up in what's obviously a mad scientist's laboratory.

Zabuza doesn't trust them, even if the blond one is very, very pretty.

"Should we tell Mei?" The one wielding Hiramekarei asks.

"Why would you tell Mei?" Kisame leans forward, obviously curious.

"Mei's the mizukage," the blond one speaks up then.

"Are you sure we should tell them what's going on?" Another shinobi speaks up then.

"Why not?"

"What happens if we get them back?" The girly one continues. "We could irrevocably change the timeline. Or what if we've created a new separate timeline by sending them forwards? We have to think about this."

"You're a nerd," the blonde one drawls, leaning against the ground and lazily kicking his legs out.

The other shinobi scoffs. "And you're a prodigy and youngest member of the seven _ever,_ you have no room to talk."

"The youngest member?" Kisame speaks up, interest in his eyes, "how old are you?"

"Just turned eighteen," blondie says happily. "Got the blades from Ameyuri a few years ago."

His older self and the older version of Kisame nod in confirmation when Kisame looks at them questioningly from his position at Zabuza's side.

"I'll take first watch," blondie speaks up then before getting to his feet.

And then Zabuza freezes, watching as blondie-Naruto, he remembers distantly-leans down and tilts up his other self's chin before pressing a kiss to his lips.

Kisame chokes on his soup beside him and Zabuza freezes, staring at the scene with wide eyes.

Naruto swaggers away and his older self settles down, a smug smirk on his face.

"They're soulmates," the older version of Kisame speaks up, amusement plain in his voice.

"Soulmates?" He echoes distantly, voice faint.

"Yep," his older self confirms with a grin.

Zabuza curses internally, realizing his face is flushed when both versions of Kisame snicker.

* * *

Alright, maybe the future isn't so bad. Sure, Kisame won't stop arguing with Haku and Chojuro over altering timelines, and the older version of Kisame is doing nothing but laughing, but the future's still pretty good.

That's what Zabuza decides, watching as his future soulmate peels off his shirt with a smile.

Fuck. His eyes trace down his chest, stopping at the chiseled abs and admiring the slight bulge in his tight pants. Zabuza doesn't think of himself as sentimental, but Naruto's eyes are pretty too, a shade of blue like the ocean in the summer.

Naruto flexes then, twirling his blades casually as he twists and stretches.

The next thing he knows, Zabuza is clutching at a bloody nose, face pressed up against the bark of a tree.

He pushes off the tree frantically, shooting a glare at Kisame, who's stopped arguing and is now just staring.

"Are you okay?" Naruto asks then, coming up to him with concern plain on his face.

"'M fine," Zabuza says, cursing how his voice squeaks. "No, really," he adds frantically as Naruto bites his lip in concentration, "I'm good!" He adds, stepping back as the blonde leans down to pick up a canteen and offer it to him.

Zabuza bites back a curse as he hears Kisame start laughing, cheeks heating up until he feels like he's burning up.

Nevermind, the future sucks.

* * *

"I don't like him," he insists, looking back at Kisame.

"I wonder why?" The other man asks sarcastically before rolling his eyes.

"I'm serious! This could be a trap the snake sannin made, this could be a trick meant to get us to lower our guard-"

"Or you're just upset because Naruto is paying attention to mini-you," Kisame interrupts.

"He's not a mini-shut up!" Zabuza snaps back at Kisame's knowing smirk.

"I'm serious!"

"I'm serious too. I've seen the way you two glare at each other when he's not looking. That's jealousy talking, not real concern."

"Fuck you," he hisses back.

"I think Naruto would be upset," the other man responds, laughing as he dodges the attack Zabuza sends his way.

* * *

Alright…maybe, just maybe, he's a little jealous. But it's hard not to be. It's hard not to be when the little bastard is going out of his way to make sure Naruto focuses on him. It's hard not to be when that fucker actually has the gall to smirk when his soulmate's back is turned.

They're heading back to Kiri, Naruto ahead of them and deep in conversation with Haku about nerd shit, when Zabuza sees his younger self out of the corner of his eye.

Time to make things clear.

"He's not yours, you know."

"What?" the younger man asks, fake innocence oozing in his voice.

"He's not yours. He's mine. All you are is a little bastard that managed to get yourself into a fucked up situation. He's just being nice because he wants to be polite. At the end of the day I'm the one he's going to bed with, I'm the one he wants."

"Go fuck yourself."

Zabuza stops in his tracks. "Listen you little shit, it's about time you realize who's really in charge here-"

"It isn't you," his other self snaps back, eyes angry.

Fuck this. Without thinking Zabuza reaches out to knock him to the ground, stopping when his younger self latches his hands on his neck.

There's a tussle then, Zabuza kicking his younger self back before the boy rushes forward to punch him in the chest. Finally he gets the pimple faced little bastard in a headlock, tightening his hold until Naruto turns around.

At that he drops him in the dirt, aiming his most charming smile at his soulmate while the other Zabuza inhales dirt.

Naruto raises a brow at that, looking at him questioningly, but thankfully doesn't press.

* * *

"Babe!"

Naruto's voice startles out his sleep, Zabuza instinctively reaching for a weapon before he registers the excitement in his soulmate's voice.

"Naruto," he groans, "what's so important?"

"I solved the seal, I can reverse what's keeping them here!"

"You can get rid of him?" He asks, voice embarrassingly filled with hope.

"Of course, now come on!"

Naruto pushes aside the tent flaps and sets off a small explosion of chakra, beaming when the other tents open.

He starts talking, almost too fast to register, once everyone is gathered.

"So it's not a time travel seal-not really. Basically Oro wanted to summon a past version of himself but not actually deal with consequences. So, and this is way awesome-he managed to get the seal to create simulacrums of past selves. So you guys aren't real!" he adds, turning to look at the other two versions of Zabuza and Kisame.

"You guys are manifestations of chakra based on the scroll latching onto two random individuals and extrapolating a younger personality. It's an amazing piece of work-I don't know how Orochimaru managed it-but basically all I have to do is reverse the writing."

The younger version of Kisame seems caught in the middle of an existential crisis but it's hard for Zabuza to care, not when he's finally about to free.

Without a moment's pause Naruto uncaps the ink and starts to write, finishing in a matter of minutes.

His younger self (or the manifestation of his younger self, and fuck, that's weird) steps forward to say something right as Naruto sends a pulse of chakra in.

Zabuza slams his eyes shut as blinding white light fills the clearing. After a moment he cautiously opens them, breathing a sigh of relief when the other one is no longer in sight.

Finally that's over with and they can move on-

"So," Kisame speaks up, "are you done being jealous of a fifteen year old?"

Right after he kills Kisame.


End file.
